It's been a while...

I haven't posted simply because there has not been much to talk about. I've been working lots lately and just making it day to day.

I am superexcited about getting to see X-men: The Last Stand this weekend. I think I'll go to Da Vinci Code and X-men on the same day. I wish WISH I could go tonight, but think the crowds may overwhelm even me at my bravest.

I have to send out a big Thanks to Patrick for helping with car stuff (and more) over the last couple of days. I've had to get some work done on my car and his advice has been very helpful. I don't like spending $200 more on my car, but it beats having no car or spending even more.

Well, that's all for now. Yay the start of a three-day weekend, starting 5 p.m. today!

Cabinets of happiness

I feel like such a dork saying so, but I bought a cabinet at Target last night and am really happy to have it!

It is one of those white plastic-covered particle board, put-it-together-yourself kind of things, but was a fun little project to work on while watching TV. It seems to make my room look nicer somehow. :)

I've decided I'm the handy-man..er, woman of my relationship with E too. But it was fun teaching him how to hammer nails and such.

I'm trying to focus on this small happy thing in life, because work has been a bit...hmm, dragsome isn't a word, but hell, it's my blog. I guess today on the job hasn't been bad however. I've worked on a couple of new "filing" projects and learned about the Russian artist we're showcasing next week. Not to mention the 70...SEVENTY!...paintings I will have to help put up on Monday! Geez, guess this artsy guy doesn't get the word "moderation". Heh. But, still it will be different and interesting, if not "fun".

If anyone reads and is in the area the Russian artist is having a thing at the USA library next Monday, at 5:30 p.m. I'm sorry, I do not know the name.

Enough for now.

Weekends are too short

I want to add an ammendment to the Constitution that states all weekends must be at least three days long!!!

Back to work!

Feel like posting...

..but I have nothing much to say. It's been a very VERY long week--how do people work 40 hours or more every week and still keep a life of any kind?? I haven't the foggiest how they manage.

I hope I get used to this up early every day schedule soon. I guess the toughest part is trying to sleep when my roommates (who don't generally have to get up early) are up at all hours of the night. The entire week I've gotten less sleep than I need, due mostly to excessive noise. Okay, I'll grow a backbone and say it: due to THEIR excessive noise. But, I haven't said anything to them, so is it my fault? Most would say it was--but, every other request I have made of them, from pay the bills on time to keep the place cleaner, has been mostly pushed aside, if not outright ignored.

I know, I AM rather uptight. But it's my life, and I don't want the irresponsible natures of other people screwing up my peace of mind needlessly. I sleep so much better at night when things are neat, clean, and paid on time. I've been gone from the apartment over 24 hours, I can only hope that the trash in the floor and the literal mountain of dirty dishes (of which, I claim 1, count it ONE, glass, thank you--I was too disgusted with the mess to do more than rinse my glass and set it beside the sink) is gone.

After a week of too little sleep and a very messy apartment, I might just crack and yell at them. (It occurs to me I probably sent one of my roommates a link to this blog by accident--oh well, I'm just being honest!).

Oh, god, I'm such an old lady at heart. Or have a very bad case of OCD.

But, try this on for size--I lived with someone BEFORE moving in with my current roommates who I considered rather messy and all. And, ya know, I would go live with her again in a heartbeat compared to what I've seen over the last few months. She at least TRIES, she's just super super busy.

What can I do but type out my frustration when I know my roomies have part time work, PART TIME, and can't clean up after themselves!

And, it's very hypocritical of me to say this, I admit it, but, if A doesn't want to clean up after J, she should tell him so. Period. (yes, yes so should I, I just said I admit it, I'm a hypocrit, I confess).

And, I feel better after all that venting. So, whatever the outcome of the blog that no one reads, I at least FEEL better.

So....there.

Feeling useless but making money

I worry about E a lot lately. I see the support he has in the form of friends all around him at SHC, and can't help but feel as though my support is very minimal in comparison. I want to give him the words he needs, but they seem so cliche, so...fake. And, I don't want to lie to him or tell him something I don't believe in myself.

I suppose I'm glad he's at SHC for a few days, because there he can have those deep philisophical conversations in which I'm not quite qualified to participate and, sadly, I don't find such conversations useful or especially interesting. I can't just make myself like talking about things like that. I'm rather of the state of mind that what we can't see or experience directly is really of little use to me. I suppose I could call myself a tactile person--I am most interested in things I can touch, see, smell, and experience. I don't want to torment myself mentally with difficult conundrums of ethics or morality when I can experience life in a much more alive manner.

Don't get me wrong, I think such thinking is a necessary part of the human existence. I am grateful for people, such as E, that consider difficult questions, applying logic and morals appropriately. I am very glad people find joy in such an endeavor too. A life should be happy in every pursuit.

Intuition. I don't so much think about those questions E gives me, because I tend to go "by my gut", so to speak. "Why is incest wrong?" Because my gut says so. "Why are you agnostic?" Because religions so often leave me empty, I intuitively believe them all to be wrong (though, I must admit, logic speaks on my behalf against the truth of organized religion). But, you know, lack of religion is not necessarily a lack of faith--but, what I have most of all is hope in something beyond this reality, beyond this life.

I should go because I'm writing this at work. I'm now working in an additional section of the library--adminstration. It is full of that hated "red-tape" of bureaucracy of business, but the company is nice and the internet speedy.

Hope it's a great day for all. Sie haben ein gut Abend auch. (that is probably incorrect German, but hey,you have a good night also)

Personal Space

I am not a touchy-feely kind of person. I MAKE myself hug friends and relatives, etc--I am NOT naturally comfortable with such an act. (Don't NOT hug me because of this, please, I still love you!)

Maybe I feel this way because I spend so much time alone, or maybe because of the upbringing I had, I don't know. What I DO know is this--when someone enters my personal space "bubble" it REALLY bugs me!

I was in Blockbuster looking for a movie to rent and someone walked close to me, less than half my arm's length away (and I have short arms!). It makes me so uncomfortable! I understood that the person was looking for a movie, but come on!

Elevators I'm getting used to because I use them at work so much--but, when they are crowded I can just feel my heart rate speed up.

Even in my marriage, I was a "space-needing" person. I kept to my half of the bed, I didn't much snuggle during movies. I DID seem to do lots of hand-holding, very nice (smile).

So I have questions: Is it okay to be somewhat aloof, I suppose physically speaking? Is lots of space a bad thing? Does it mean I have issues with socialization? (shrug) I guess the standard answer is "do what makes you most comfortable". But, what about the comfort of others? Will my needs to have breathing room, lots and lots of it, hurt those close to me?

I hope not, but I can't see myself changing much over time. Though...when I spent time with my niece Alexis, my boundaries seemed to disappear temporarily. She's so amazingly cute!

Ah, well...stuff to think about then. Ciao.

Es ist Freitag!!

Thank goodness it is FINALLY friday...Weekend, here I come.

As of 3 o'clock today, I'm ready for movies, videogames, and shopping ONLY. Heh.

A Sad Day

I can imagine why someone would commit suicide at work rather than at home---at least in your office, someone would actually find you in a decent amount of time.

Is it only our American lifestyle that keep us so isolated from one another? We live alone, away from family, barely having a conversation on most days. We being the single and estranged-from-all-family group of lonely men and women.

I think many of those living alone are happy. But not all. Not all.

What about those alone not by choice but by force. Oh, there are lots of reasons--crippling shyness, too much work, etc. There are thousands, I'd imagine, that are invisible to us, for all intents and purposes.

Why is reserve of personality such a bad thing in American culture?

I don't talk much in crowds, or around new people. I have to know someone for a bit, or face a problem alongside a coworker or fellow student long before I ever pass more than a few words between us. AND, I've been told on more than one occasion that I seem stuck up or arrogant or that I thought myself better than others. All because I'm not the life of the party, so to speak.

I admire many of the foreign exchange students on campus. They are quiet, reserved, and full of personality. In America, it seems those things don't go together.

Maybe as a nation people here are too busy to see past the surface of a person and therein lies a great error. I think we are missing so much because we are all in such a hurry.

Okay, here's my disclaimer: I don't find "social" people to be a bad thing (Helen, I think you are the greatest btw!). I only wish "the shy people/the quiet people" could get a little attention too. Not in an embarrassing sort of way, just in a hello or the occasional invite to a movie by a coworker or classmate.


I leave with an explanation of what prompted my tirade here--please see Eric J. Herboso's site (link to your right). If Dr. Allin did commit suicide, I can, as Eric said, nearly understand why. I KNOW I understand the "where" part.

Dr. Allin's Spring Hill College web page: http://faculty.shc.edu/sallin/Index.htm

Another attempt to join the Blogging World

So, I've attempted this blog thing before only to realize I'm pretty darn boring. But, heck, I should maybe give it another try. The summer is here and I won't have pesky homework, just a normal old 40 hour work week. It's the first time in two years I'll have nights free to play video games and surf the net. I don't watch TV or I'd do that too.

So, with three months to get my life in shape I have formulated some goals, just now off the top of my head:

1. Start exercising. I think I'll start running the track at school--all by my little self (hrmph, ok, not so little).

2. READ! I plan to read so much fiction for the fun of--ooh boy, I'm so excited about it I can hardly wait.

3. Plan a trip to Tuscaloosa. I will be going to the University of Alabama to get my grad degree in just one more year (yay!) and I really want to see the town.

4. Oh, yeah, save $$$$ so I can make said trip.

5. Find another place to live. This is a tough one because my lease expires the end of July and I have decided I'm just not up to living with room mates any more. Problem: with no co-signer, how do I find a place I can apply? (ahem, for those that don't know, one must generally make 3 or 4 times the rent in income each month--I, making the wages of a student asst, even full-time, do NOT). Oh, well.

Well, that sounds good for now. Cheers and all that...