A Second Job

It's official, I've been hired by the Educational Talent Search as a tutor. I signed the paperwork this afternoon.

I feel...ambivilant...and strangely expectant. I hope to find more satisfaction in the work with ETS than I've so far found in the library. I think I have stayed at the library mostly because it's easy (translate: non-stressful) and very very flexible. And, I like the people I work around very much. But the work? Boring.

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I recently stressed out completely about the TV production class I'm taking this semester. I nearly dropped it, but Dr. Rockwell talked me back into class.

It's strange to me, this feeling that enters my life every few months (or is it days?). When I get settled in life, I start to feel like something is missing, bored maybe and/or like I'm missing out on something. But I think I had an epiphinany today: If I'm so bored, why am I so afraid to challenge myself (i.e. to take aforementioned production class)?

I think asking myself this question has been the deciding factor in keeping the class. Though being literally in the director's seat or on camera frighten me, these "terrifying" experiences will help me feel alive.

If I can't find meaning I suppose I hope most to find feeling.

This unreality...

Yesterday was the two month...what do I call it? anniversary--that seems too cheery...?

My father passed away two months ago yesterday. This time has been very up and down for me. Moving in with E, starting classes, getting to see old friends again--these have all been positive "moving-forward" things. But, then there are those reminders: passing my dad's phone number in my cell phone, seeing a car like his, answering that post-summer inquiry everyone wants to ask at the beginning of every fall semester ("How was your summer?"). And sleeping...well, it's hard getting to sleep most nights and hard waking up most mornings.


I can only hope my father has found some peace. His was a difficult life. I know he never had the love of good parents (nor did his siblings). I feel as though he was raised by a very selfish mother. And yet...although very unconventionally speaking, I feel he was the least selfish person I ever knew. I know he gave up everything to raise my sister and me.

Note to any readers...

That last post (Week 1) is the beginning of my class-assigned bi-weekly blog update. It's just easier to continue this blog than to start a new one. Besides, I probably need to start updating more often anyway.

Guten Tag!

Week 1: Back to Class

It's been a whirlwind of interesting and boring classes, and energetic and mellow professors these last three days.

I've had to drop a class for lack of student enrollment. This negative turns into a positive however with the opportunity to tutor with the Educational Talent Search program at USA. Having Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday mornings free will allow me a better paying job (so long as my interview goes well tomorrow morning).

This second year of German has it's pluses and minuses also. I REALLY miss Professor Roddy's sense of humor and theatrics. BUT, Professor Jones, though dry, has a much more understandable teaching style. He's just not as....fun. :( But, hey, I think I can take Roddy in the Spring. AND, Jones is extremely nice in the meantime.

I am lucky enough to have energetic and sociable communications professors this semester (though, Ethics may prove snoresome). TV production scares me--finding actors and interview-ees may be very difficult. However, I feel ...up to the challenge so to speak. Both excited and nervous...

Well, more news after my interview with ETS. If they hire me I'll be tutoring at the same high school I graduated from back in 1999!! (Yeesh, I'm getting old!)

Updating

I can't believe it's been nearly two months...NO, more than two months since I've posted. I am glad to say that life has moved along. I've moved in with E--we found an amazing apartment right by USA campus. He's found a great job (well, great paying at least) and I'm looking forward to next week.

Classes start on Monday so I MAY have more interesting and fun things to talk about then. I know I'm super excited. :)

I'm looking forward to a new start, and, hopefully, some fun challenges in senior level classes. Ooh, but intermediate German frightens me, eek! (laughs)

More next week perhaps...