The digital disconnection

Lately, I've been really struck by how interconnected our lives are in this digital age. There are dozens of ways to communicate without ever hearing or seeing another person--e-mail, voicemail,texts, Twitter, Facebook, MySpace, etc. We have all these ways to get glimpses into the lives of other people without any real contact.

But, how does the quality of all of this digital communication compare to a visit, a phone call, or a handwritten letter? I believe this digital age has left a lot of people feeling isolated and lonely (I often do, so maybe I'm generalizing here). I've lived here in T-town for months now and while I've been able to keep in "contact" with my old college friends and colleagues, there has been no real communication, no real connection (well, maybe that one FB chat that one time) with even a potential friend.

No, here's what I think. All the digital comm. is a great way to keep in touch with people--maybe far away family and friends, college buddies and little-known former bosses. But, you can't make any new connections via ONLY digital means. I really believe that a good friendship usually occurs when you get the chance to meet face to face. When do we ever meet people face to face anymore?? We don't.

I don't have a solution...and I don't think a solution is necessary, not exactly. Mostly, because this digital age is here to stay. All the information at our fingertips is highly addictive, in its own way.

I just miss having a face to face conversation over lunch.

Quick Post-Thanksgiving post

(I will be posting a Thanksgiving pic here very soon!)

We had a wonderful meal yesterday, just KC and me and our roomie Mike. We went all out this year and cooked a GIANT meal that we had prepped the night before. M was very gracious with a pre-meal toast and his compliments of the food. He was great company. :)

Today, most of us are back at work (except, it is my usual day off from the hotel). I'm planning a almost-3 mile walk here in a few minutes to walk to the Philbrook Museum. I'm volunteering there, and wanted to see if it's close enough for me to walk to before the weather gets too cold!

Update on grad school: All of my materials are in (thank god for old friends/colleagues) and I have a graduate assistantship interview next Thursday. Hopefully, I get accepted between now and then! Getting the assistantship means I can start grad school early since it pays for tuition and would provide a stipend and health insurance. I'm very excited for the chance to talk to them. Let's keep our fingers crossed!

Well, that's all the big news for now. Hope everyone else is having a great holiday season! I know I am--holidays with KC are always so wonderful. :)

Love for blogs

I haven't posted in a while, so I wanted to make this a short, positive little hello to everyone! I also just want to mention the Kath Eats Real Food blog. This blog, and some of the blogs listed on her Blogroll page are really helping me change my life. She and Angela from the Oh She Glows blog have been a huge influence on my life these last few months. I may not be much like them (I'm no exercise nut, after all) but they share such positive and healthy outlooks on life that I wanted to share the love!

So, take a quick look, especially if you're interested in healthy living. Worst case scenario, you will find some amazing recipes on Kath's site just in time for today's dinner. :) (I discovered butternut squash...it's like a sweet potato, minus all the carbs! How did I live without it?)

Insomnia II

I've just realized that I've been writing this blog for nearly four years now. That's quite a milestone for me. I'm generally the kind of person that never finishes most projects I start (or I finish them REALLY slowly).

My main thoughts tonight, after reading back over some of my previous posts, include:

1. I really miss Helen and her blog. I realize you're a busy, busy lady, H, but I hope to see you 'round the 'net soon. :)

2. I love seeing my posts about KC and realizing that I still feel the SAME wonderful way about him, more than two years later. I would never have believed such love, laughter and acceptance was possible before meeting him.

3. That there are people that I really do miss. My dad and K & D, especially. But, those days are long gone.

4. That those last couple of college years were probably some of the best of my life. BUT...it makes me really look forward to grad school next fall. :)

Ciao!

Warning: a boring post

Like I so often do, I'm turning to this blog as a means to simply put my thoughts down and give them some kind of mind-calming structure.

I've very recently begun looking into graduate school once again. I've realized how pitiful my life and career are going to be if I don't continue my education. I don't want to work for the next ten years for less than $10 an hour and no benefits

Oddly enough--and in spite of the push to complete my undergrad degree just a year ago--I think I am more driven today than ever before in my life to improve myself financially and educationally.

But, I have to be honest, I'm scared to try school again. Why? Because I found South to be two extremes for me: 1. I was bored to tears, learning useless information or 2. I was extremely frustrated with complex material (that I wanted to learn) that was presented by very, very bad instructors. Sure, I made the grade either way, but the learning process had no joy for me. I MISS that. Also, what use is an education you can't use? (I feel the need to mention that I took 2 history courses from Professor Kozelsky and Dr. Miller that were the outstanding exceptions. I loved those classes.)

So, here I am, looking into Library Studies/Librarianship programs. Why choose that? Well, I have to be honest with myself--I can't take stress. I just can't. I fall totally apart if my workload is too heavy or if I have an overbearing boss and lots of deadlines to contend with every day. That's not to say I can't handle a lot of work. I work very hard, even unsupervised or alone, and I am highly organized and dedicated to a job once I start it. Also, I don't take the kind of breaks that other people seem to when I'm on the job. If I'm at work, I'm there to WORK! I'm really goal-focused and like to finish something once I've begun it.

Wow, was that paragraph any more a boring cover letter or what?

So, librarianship calls to me for practical reasons. I assume it is not overly stressful but instead sufficiently busy. I also realize it's a career I can take anywhere, no matter what part of the country I settle in next. But, there's still that one not-practical reason: I love the library. I get this happy little feeling every time I leave the building with an armload of new books.

I guess that goes back to the escapism of reading as a kid. I didn't have many friends, but I did have daily literary destinations to take me away from poverty and my friendlessness. (oh, I had friends...I wasn't that pathetic. Just not many chances to "hang out" like so many other kids found in their teen years. I even admit to liking my books more than some of the kids around me.)


So, back to grad school. I'm on the path to GRE study sessions and graduate study applications. (What if I'm not accepted? Library studies isn't offered in very many schools, maybe one a state. )

So...here's hoping this plan works out.

A real musician...

I get so tired of American Idol and the pop scene, with it's complete lack of talent. Why and how did the measure of talent become so based on looks and connections?

Here's a couple of vids I found of two small-time musicians based in LA. I'd much rather see people like this, famous in Youtube-land, make it big than many of the pop idols I see/hear every day.



AND....

An opportunity falls into my lap

I started another new job about a week ago. I'm working in a hotel in Tulsa, the Ramada, as an overnight front desk clerk. The pay isn't amazing, but it comes with a side benefit, of a sort, that has me excited...and a bit flummoxed.

The manager of the hotel wishes to start a blog for the hotel. And, after learning about my brief writing background at USA, she wants me to write it.

*breathes* Yeah.

Here's what I think: a blog has to have personality. A blog must feel real, strong, opinionated, humorous at times but not overly so. It must contain writing with pizazz, with oomph, to keep a reader coming back for more. It must reveal a certain agenda, or, rather, maintain a certain set of values and morals (or lack of). That agenda, those morals, must align with what readers want.

What do readers want? I ask myself that and then I think, "What would I want?"

Me? I want to be entertained. I want to find REAL information, with REAL value to me. I want to look up a calendar of events and find something at 4 p.m. on Sunday to entertain me for a minimum amount of money (or whatever a reader looks for).

I've been trying to come up with ideas for the site. Strong, witty topics about the Tulsa area or the hospitality industry. Or, you know, current events and happenings in the area. Maybe even info on restaurants or shopping. Well, geez, this blog could include information on any of a zillion topics.

Here's my conundrum: What themes do I need to choose and focus on? How can I REALLY address the audience and keep them interested? I DO know that I can keep it 'hip' by realizing any audience reading a blog is probably between 18 and 40 years old. And, I'm smack in the middle of that demographic. So I should be able to interest anyone that bothers to read a hotel's blog in the first place.

I must keep it shorter than this entry, also. Me, I read a paragraph or two and skim the rest. I'll work on that...

A little music boost...

I subscribe to a newsletter from Gimundo.com. Gimundo features ONLY good news every day. They also feature all kinds of fun videos. Today, they featured the vid below, made by a Slovenian choir called Perpetuum Jazzile (and, no, that's not a typo). Take a look at Toto's "Africa" performed alongside, as Gimundo calls-it, "a human-made storm."

Tulsa and Twitter

Well, I never did get around to posting more pics of the trip. We ended up despising Seattle so much we left after just a couple of days. I never will understand the human desire to live crammed side-by-side with millions of other people. We couldn't go or do anything without the hassle of insane traffic and overcrowded, well, everywhere.

So, we hit the road again, and did a little backtracking toward the middle of the country. I think we ended up choosing Tulsa because it appealed to us aesthetically--lots of green trees and small, local businesses. It's not what I'd call perfect, but it has a certain appeal we haven't found elsewhere. We also landed a great (and I mean GREAT) roommate willing to share her home with a couple of nomads. It's like having family that you actually like. (Wow, never had that before...well, my ex in-laws were pretty amazing, but that was years ago.)

So, we've found some work, albeit not our dream jobs, and here we are. And, we're actually enjoying ourselves. We have an entire city filled with new experiences just outside the door...guess the trick is affording it. :) I'm just glad to finally feel at home someplace.

But, on to other matters. Let's talk Twitter.

Okay, Twitter has been in the news quite a lot and pops up quite frequently in conversation. I know the general idea, I've just put off joining the update-everyone-on-everything-in-your-life movement. I think....I don't quite get it.

Okay, I am following Eddie Izzard, whom I love, and a couple of other interesting folks but come on....life is pretty generic for most of us. I think my messages would consist of "Going to work" or "Making dinner" and not much else. Sure I enjoy cooking, but my life would bore the pants off of most people.

So, I like Twitter for things that are actually interesting, such as a news update on traffic or a funny line or two from a comedian. However, I will never get why so many people insist on sharing there every freakin' move with the planet. But, then again, I blog and who cares what I think besides me?

Now, where that Twitter message telling me about Tulsa's local live music scene...that I would love.

Update # 2

Not a lot to say today. The last few days have been mostly driving and taking lots of photos of mountains. I'll try to post some pics as soon as I can.

We made it to Everett, which we really dislike, but we are getting really excited to see some of the smaller towns in the area. On the last leg of the drive here, we took a small state highway and saw some very cute little towns that we may go back to check out, too.

I'll update again once we've landed with a real address, etc.

Miss everyone!

Update on the trip

Well, KC and I have covered a lot of ground since my last post.

We left San Antonio with plans to visit OKC and Tulsa, but were sidetracked by bad weather. Instead, we ended up staying in Denton and Amarillo. Denton was a decent college town, with a small and interesting "hangout" part of town. Amarillo was hardly worth a stop, in spite of their great tourist pamplets and website.

Right now, we're getting ready to leave Santa Fe, NM. We spent a day in Albuquerque, where we visited Old Town and the BioPark. Old Town wasn't really our speed--it's a great tourist spot for anyone really interested in Southwestern and Indian art though.




The BioPark included an Aquarium, Botanical Garden and the city zoo. I recommend the Aquarium and the garden, but the zoo is under lots of construction and the animals all seemed confined to areas far too small and dusty to allow them comfortable lives. I figure in a couple of years, the zoo will be just as cute as the gardens. :) We also got the chance to take a short train ride between the different parts of the park. Very cute and relaxing.


















I also admit to being irrationally terrified by what seemed to be a very large puffer fish (about the size of a basketball). What do you think?







In Santa Fe, we visited a wonderful little restaurant called the Chocolate Maven. It was well worth the trek to find it for it's bakery and fresh sandwiches. We may even go back to have one last meal before we leave town.

Hope to post again soon. We'll be in Boulder next...after that...who knows?

The first two days...

We left yesterday morning after a quick, impromptu goodbye with DH & AH. (I'm gonna miss you guys so much!) We headed down I-10 with an eye out for any interesting side trips.

Most of our trip yesterday went by slowly, with only the Harry Potter audio books and lots of snacks to keep us entertained. We did enjoy the Texas Welcome Center a lot--it was filled with tourist information and a really friendly, if overzealous, janitor that "saved" me from a fuzzy caterpillar I was watching with more than a little fascination. Watch out, it stings!



After speeding our way through Houston, where everyone goes at least 15 miles an hour over the speed limit, we finally began the search for a decent place to have dinner. We looked at a couple of spots and finally decided to check out an Italian restaurant in an empty strip mall named Maribelli. The restaurant was the best Italian food I've had in a really long time. We had this young 16-year-old kid as a waiter and he worked really hard to be friendly and to make sure we were happy with everything. The food and the restaurant were both like finding a gem in a mud pie--unexpected but delightful.

Today, we spent the morning exploring the Riverwalk and the Alamo in downtown San Antonio. Getting an early start worked to our advantage and we beat most of the Riverwalk tourists. Once we decended to the Riverwalk level (FYI, below the street level of a busy, bustling downtown), the entire atmostphere changed. The nearly-empty Riverwalk was tropical, humid and lush, filled with greenery and all kinds of wildlife. (See the ducklings and a heron?)




So far, it's been a fun trip and we're off to Austin tomorrow! Here's one more picture of the Riverwalk...

Another cross country trek and a marriage

It seems I can't settle down and now I've passed along my need to see new places to KC.

I've kept quiet about our plans simply because they have changed so much in the last few weeks. When I was working, KC and I thought we may settle here for a while. However, the circumstances have really changed (including his job letting him telecommute, thank god) and so have our plans.

We will once again be taking the drive across country, only this time around we will get to see some interesting spots along the way. We plan to take our time and see the sights while we can. After all, wherever we decide to stay, whether western Washington state or some other lovely place found while on this trek, we will have to really dig in and make a real home for ourselves.

Our itinerary includes extended visits in San Antonio, Tulsa, Boulder, Albuquerque, and Yellowstone National Park.

Our plans will also include a visit to Spokane's Justice of the Peace to tie the knot just before we cross the mountains into Seattle. Spokane is a special place for me, in spite of the winter of despair. It's really a beautiful city, but, most of all for me, it is the one place KC and I have been together that I have never seen with another person. He was able to share the history and the beauty of the city with me in a way no mere visitor could have done. It was wonderful to see someone so willing to see the world, but still so enamoured with his hometown. I wish I felt more like that at times.

I hope this will be the first of many posts about our cross country trip. (And, the first of a few about a wonderful marriage.)

:)

A question for our world

I have had something happen in the last week to make me question a few things in this world.

See, I got fired from my job a little over a week ago. I feel I can honestly say I did nothing to warrant a firing. I put 110% into that job and dealt with all the stress and the fear of an overbearing (read: terrifying) boss.

It's taken me a week to come to terms with what happened. I have never been treated with such little respect or consideration and it really hurt me in ways I did not think I could ever be hurt again. I hit bottom mentally almost a week later, after constantly chastising myself for what I did wrong. I finally...finally, god...realized that I was looking at the situation the wrong way. I kept asking myself what I could have done differently to prevent the firing, when, really, I should have asked myself why I didn't quit the horrific job sooner.

I took the stress for nearly three months--being the "low man on the totem pole," as it were, and being at every other employees' beckon call while being also constantly terrified of doing something wrong, while no one really bothered to tell me why we were all so damn afraid of this one man (the owner/employer/Nazi wanna-be). I still don't know...well, other than he signs the paychecks. And, by god, I was so damn proud that I made it so long on that job, I let someone treat ME badly, and I was proud of it. Damn, if that's not twisted I don't know what is...

Why do we do that? Why do we give power-hungry ego-maniacs with bad tempers power over us?? It makes no sense as an individual, nor as a society, but it happens again and again. I don't have the answers. If only I did I wouldn't be an out of work girl worried about paying for her fancy new car...(materialism is yet another of those endless topics I argue with myself).

So, here's my take on the whole damn thing: It was a bad experience. It sucked. A lot. It shook me to my core and put gaping holes in my self-esteem. It made me feel like my considerate, meek nature was a bad thing, when I've worked for years to accept and like that person inside of me. I very nearly let a man with no care for the feelings of another human being end my life (this is as close to a confession anyone will ever find and I have no more to say on it). In the end, I won.

Now, I won't go face the Nazi-wannabe down, that's just dumb and pointless. Educated white men nearly never change their complete self-righteous behavior or treatment of others. Instead, I want to do what I have tried to do with every single other damned gut-wrenching, soul-poisoning experience I've been through---learn the lesson well and don't repeat my mistakes.

The Lesson: I'm in control of how I allow others to treat me. I learned this after experiencing an abusive relationship several years ago, but I suppose it was time for a new take on that lesson. No matter how far above me someone may be in social status, or education, or on the career ladder, I will not devalue my worth to appease them.

And, to think, I was going to write a post complaining about the way plus-size clothing makers use thin models to advertise their clothing (an example: http://www.onestopplus.com/). I miss the plus-sized models some of them used to use...though even they were unrealistic. (Hey, I'm a five foot tall woman that has a 25" inseam and weighs 200 lbs...I'm not the norm, to say the least.)

Before I go: a huge thank you to the PR office and all the wonderful ladies therein. And, SC, for the stories of triumph after a firing. You have shared so much wisdom with me. Thank you so very much.

And, to KC, you are my light in all the darkest places and my strength when I am wearied by all the pain in this existence. You bring me laughter and life, for that I will always love you.

Like a Real Grownup

I am a super-excited, slightly terrified (ouch, the bills) new owner of a 2002 Volkswagon Passat!





I don't know how I managed to land this amazing car! The sales person was super and really motivated to sell, I suppose.

When he showed the car to me, I actually laughed at him. "I can't afford this car!"

Somehow, it seems I can, for what is a very reasonable price, even with insurance.

So, happy, happy, happy me. I am no longer stranded and I can make it to my new job (which I start this week) in a wonderful, reliable, BEAUTIFUL car. :)

Wow.

Less than a week

I made it to Mobile after a night's stay in New Orleans (thanks Helen!) and it's been a whirlwind.

I've already had the chance to visit with so many missed friends. I also already have two job interviews I am very excited about. I've even test driven a couple of cars, although I still have no idea which vehicle to choose!

However, my trip back hasn't been all good. I am fairly sure my grandmother, the only living relative I really have, has completely disowned me for my inability to be the perfect granddaughter. I have tried to take one big lesson from that heartbreak: Try to be a better person and a better, more accepting friend. I hope to never be like her, rather distant and detached with an unappealing way of holding her love/acceptance ransom based on how well you meet her standards (which, painfully, seem to be much harsher for the females of the family).

I want to try to be a more open, forgiving, and available to my friends, the real family in my life. It's rather timely, actually, this lesson from loss. I was learning while in Washington just how much I missed my friends and how much I wanted to be a better friend in return.

I am also so very thankful for all of the people I do have in my life. I have found unconditional support and acceptance...something I did not realize I was missing in my "family." I hope they all know how much they have come to mean to me in this crazy life of mine.

Leavin' on a Jet Plane

I'll be boarding a flight to take me home to the sunny south in the morning. And, I have to admit, I'm kind of terrified.

While I have talked with people about my reasons to go, and I have talked with myself about why this is a good idea, I still worry it could all end badly.

I _was_ rather excited about the trip up until a couple of days ago--that's when it hit me that I'd be leaving KC and I have no idea when I'll see him again. It just makes my heart ache.

But...but I honestly believe that some drastic changes are needed. I can't just sit around and be apartment girl forever. So, I've made changes in how I apply for jobs and I've made changes in how I communicate with my friends. Now, I'm simply changing the scenery, right?

I'm learning that you really have to be aggressive when you go after what you want in life. So far, I pursued KC with all my verve and heart. Now, I have to do the same for myself and my life--having a group of friends and a reliable job, well, those things have taken new priorities for me after spending so much time alone in this life.

So, tomorrow I will board that airplane with most of my worldly possessions. I will reassure myself that this is a good decision. I will hang on to fact that KC and I are really meant to be together and that we will be after our tough times ease somewhat.

Right. I can do this.

Insomnia

I can't stop thinking about everything to do with my upcoming trip. It's keeping me awake tonight--all the thoughts of car selling, car buying, budgeting, student loans payments (god), finding rides until I get a car, getting a job (please oh please pay enough newspaper job)....missing KC, my best friend and the love of my life.

I don't know if it's the love endorphins talking or what, but I really don't think most people find the kind of relationship that KC and I have together. And, here I am leaving him here! I must be insane. I swear, this trip is meant only to help us stay together in the long run. But, being apart from him is going to be very, very hard. He's the only person I've ever met that I just adore spending time with on a daily basis. The only time I really need to be away from him is when it's for his own good, haha, like when I'm just in a bad mood--I don't want to make him put up with me when I'm like that, it's just mean! :P

I guess my biggest fear is that I make this "move," for lack of a better term, and it doesn't help us in any way. We kind of need that lucky break this year. Last year backfired a bit...though it was far from bad. I want to help get us out of the financial hole and find work for us both that is a bit more satisfying and, well, lucrative. We'd like to buy a house...though that is still some time away, and god only knows WHERE we'll live in the long run. (I'm betting on somewhere more Southern, haha. No more cold winters, not this girl.)

My biggest dream, short term, is to make enough to support KC and myself while he pursues his own business. He's the most ambitious and amazing person I know and I just know he would succeed. He deserves the chance sooner rather than later. Too bad I majored in lameness in college....but, hey, you never know.

So, what direction do I take? Do I get a job and try and stick with a company and climb the ladder? Or, do I study for the MAT or GRE and go to grad school? It's kind of a toss up.

Well, hopefully I've managed to cure whoever reads this of their own insomnia, even while mine continues on. :)

For our next post I promise: SUPER EXCITING DRAMA AND INTRIGUE to liven things up. lol