The Last Day of Classes

It is the last day of classes and all I can think about is that next Wednesday I'll be on an airplane headed to Spokane!

Seven weeks is far to long to go without seeing the person you love!


OH, and a big thanks to KC and MG with the html help. I, of course, am very bad with adding on things like quotation marks and such things....and those details matter in coding. No wonder my programming class is so hard!!

Thanks!!!

Weekend!

I know I should be working, but this weekend just seems like the best time to relax. I only have final exams and I'm finished. (Aside from a terrible programming assignment that I find myself completely not doing because they stress me out so much. I have made an A on every other homework assignment, never missed one, and I've just had enough!)

I hope to keep up with my other classes and have a schedule of sorts set up so I have plenty of time to study for finals!

Wish me luck!

Siblings...

I woke up to a voicemail message from my younger sister. She called at 3:30 a.m. while I was sleeping to leave me what sounded like a drunken tirade about wanting me to pick her and her son up "tomorrow" (today).

I've been unable to have any kind of relationship with her my entire adult life. She's been completely immature and made very bad, immoral decisions. Over the years, earlier on, I tried to give her help. I'd buy her clothes to work in, offer to buy groceries, and she even lived with me for a while. At the time she lived with me, she promised she wanted to earn her GED. I learned two weeks later that she had no real interest in continuing her education--and more than that, she was unable to keep a job.

Now, I know my sister suffered as a child. We grew up with very little, with a struggling single parent and this really affected her. Beyond this upbringing, she lacked the intelligence that I seemed to get (I don't mean to sound arrogant...I swear). She grew up feeling just like the poor outcast children that we were with no thoughts of how she could change her future for the better.

While I turned to academics and visions of a better future, she turned to the outcast crowd of high school dropouts, drugs, and a poor lifestyle.

And, now I feel like she's gotten to the point where she's either going to seek self-improvement or she will lose a second child (she's lost her first to the grandparent). I don't know what to do, or if there IS anything I should do. I'm financially incapable of helping her and I'm afraid to take her to people I believe can help her (friends of mine) because I'm afraid she will harm them by stealing or lying or worse. (I've seen her steal from our own mother, a blind, helpless woman.)

Most of all, I feel so badly for the child. I've seen him once...and it tears out my heart to realize his parents spend more time seeking cigarettes and booze than time with him. I can't even see him because it would cost me so much to do so--my sister would make visits with him come with some kind of condition to selfishly benefit her...and not the child.

I'm at a loss.

HTML...?

Okay, so I've changed my blog template to include the links you see to the right in my side bar. However, I've recently learned that they don't link to the pages they are supposed to.

For some reason, blogger sends you to the www.blogger.com/stephanieahudson/LINK
where LINK is edwin.com or eddieizzard.com or whatever other link I wanted...

But, in the html code of the template I've put in the html I've always used to link to outside pages (and it's always worked before). So, if anyone has a clue why blogger is messing it up now, let me know. I've tried browsing the code, but my understanding is very limited.

:P

Thanksgiving

Holidays for me are bittersweet. Both of my parents are gone and I don't have family I'm close to at all.

But, I DO have really good friends and we celebrated with some really good food (and tons of it!). There weren't many people, but the chance to pitch in and cook was really fun. I love to cook but never get a chance to do it since I only have myself to feed.

Right now I'm recovering from food and getting super excited about my Christmas trip to WA state to be with KC. We have so many fun plans. Most of all, I miss him! Can't wait to spend three whole weeks with him with no class or work to keep us apart.

Side note: he's moving while I'm there, so I DO have to help him move. But I'm excited I get to see the place we'll be living when I move up there next summer! Yay!

Web Site Work...

I've been working all semester on a web site for Satori Coffee House. While the site is for a class project, I've still been trying very hard to get it as nice as I can for the owner of Satori. I want to give him a site he can use later.

While there are still some details to work out (I have to rebuild the Menu page's artwork because right now the graphics/menus are fuzzy) and possibly some additional bells and whistles, like an mp3 player, the site is pretty much finished.

I've used Joomla and lots of help from my professor, Dr. Rockwell to build this site. I'll put a link to it here www.handw.comsouthal.com

I know the URL is strange, but that's something to be changed later...

I can't wait to start on another project like this one!

Worried for Friends

Being around K for Thanksgiving makes me a little worried. She seems to be having trouble just coping with life. I know from experience how difficult depression can be so I plan to hang around a bit more.

Depression is weird. When you have it, you feel completely alone and want to be around people. But, when you are depressed you do nothing but stay home alone so you never see people. So, I hope I can spend a lot more time at K's house to help her feel less alone. I wish there was a miracle cure for depression!

Hang in there, K!

Thursday from HELL!

Okay, today I have two presentations and three papers due!!

I thankfully finished everything as of this morning. (Yay starting on Sunday night!)

I'm not complaining so much as breathing a sigh of relief. I've never had such a busy week and now it's nearly over.

My only wish is that I didn't have programming homework for the weekend. The class is moving at such a fast pace, I can barely keep up. It seems like we move on long before I am even remotely comfortable with a newly introduced concept.

I'm also nervous about presenting KC's software, Vixen. I know he's worked so hard to make Vixen user-friendly--even I was able to figure it out. I only hope I can make it somewhat interesting for the class today!

Okay, class is starting!

End of semester blahs...

I'm so ready for this semester to end. I'm exhausted! I've had more outside-of-class work this semester than ever before in my very long college career.

I need some time to just relax without a long list of work weighing me down. I tried to really take some time off this weekend, but I feel just as stressed as ever. Maybe the early morning traffic has me high strung right now...

There are so many things I want to do once I've completed my classwork this semester--read fun books, sleep late, work on my personal Web design stuff, and get back to the gym!

Here's hoping I survive the next five weeks!

CIS Test

Call me a dork, but I think I just aced my CIS exam! After a semester of struggles, trust me this is wonderful news. This programming class has been the toughest I've ever taken.

Hope the final goes as well.

Long time

I haven't posted since before K.C. came to visit. It was the most fun I've had in years. We were really busy since we both had work to take care of even though he was visiting. Still we managed to do a lot while he was here.

The two most interesting things we did while he was here was a trip to the fair and attending a Mobile Symphony Halloween show. The symphony was really fun--the entire orchestra was in costume as was much of the audience. There were all kinds of fun songs, including the Adams Family theme and musical scores from old movies like Dracula (with Bela Lugosi of all people) and Phantom of the Opera.

The fair was so much smaller than I remembered but it was so much fun to go with K.C. He's got this really great fun streak that made the night very memorable. We rode a few rides, though we stayed on the ground with rides like the Tilt 'a' Whirl and the bumper cars. It really was like being a kid again.

I miss him though. Saying goodbye was the hardest thing I've ever done--much harder than the last time he left. The more I'm with him, the more I want to be with him. :)

All in all, it was the best few days of my entire life. I can't wait to marry him--just think, the rest of my life with the best man on Earth!

Excitement

KC is flying in tonight and I'm so excited to see him again! We have lots of plans and can't wait to spend some quality time together.

I also found this video on digg.com today. Check it out, the guy is insane but amazing!

Almost Time!

KC gets here late Monday night and I'm getting really excited! It's only been a couple of weeks since he last visited but it seems like so much longer. I can't believe how much a miss even the little things like going grocery shopping with him or seeing a movie.

Swamped

Have you ever had so much on your mind that you felt completely overwhelmed? That's how I feel this weekend. I have SO MUCH to accomplish in the next week and so little time to do it in...

I know from experience that all I can do is take things one day at a time. I just have to keep reminding myself to breathe....


:)

Kitten :(

I found a kitten yesterday morning. It was under my car, meowing for all it was worth. It was adorable, but since I was in a hurry to get to work I had to leave it outside. I didn't know what to do with it--I assumed it belonged to a neighbor and just got away.

I haven't seen it since. And, I now feel kind of guilty for just leaving it all alone.

I hope it is okay; I hope it found its owner and is safe and happy.

Good luck kitty!

Engaged!!!!!

KC had a big surprise waiting at home for me last Friday night--him! He flew all the way from Spokane to bring me a very special present. He brought me the most beautiful engagement ring on the entire planet.

I can't say our engagement is a surprise because we've both known we want to marry each other for months now. But, seeing the ring this soon (and him!) was absolutely amazing!

I feel the need to share a few facts about the ring he brought me: he had a ring custom-designed to hold the diamond from my grandmother's engagement ring. This ring is so special to me for so many reasons! Most of all, it's something I can show others, a conversation piece, that allows me to tell others about KC and our relationship.

I love him so much! I can't wait to marry this man!

Everything's in working order...

I have my car back after only a little while in the shop. Needless to say, it feels good to have a means of transportation again. Thankfully, the damage done was not too serious and will not cost a terrible amount of money. (I can't help but wish I could have saved the money for other reasons though.)

Car ....crash?

I "wrecked" my car this morning. I say "wrecked" because it wasn't really a crash.

I hit a curb going about 30 to 35 mph this morning because someone decided to move into my lane and I swerved to avoid him/her hitting me.

So, the other driver either 1. never saw me or 2. saw me hit the curb and kept going. My car now wobbles, and my front right tire sits at least 2 or 3 inches further back than it used to. (I have no idea how much damage has been done yet.)

I can't file a report because I never got a license plate number, and the truck never hit me--just ran me off the road. I can't even file with my own insurance because I only have liability.

Now, I'm waiting to find out how much damage was done when I hit the curb. My car is worth very little--the best I can say for it most days is it runs (no a/c, broken windows, broken driver's side door....it's bad.)

I guess I'm at the point where if it costs a lot to fix what happened this morning, I should get another car. But, how does a person with no money, no family, and no one to cosign get a car? I probably make enough every month between my two jobs to afford it, but I'm not sure.

I am at a point where I'm just hoping for the best outcome possible. It's just so disgusting to think that my reaction to the other car almost hitting me has caused so much trouble. But, it was instinct to move away from imminent harm...

Here's hoping things work out okay...

Insomniac Irony

I think it's almost funny that even though I need rest after a heck of a long day, and and even longer work week, that I am awake tonight at 2 a.m.

I miss K.C. very badly. Every time I've had the time/chance to talk to him I've been so exhausted I practically fell asleep over the phone. He's been so considerate of my busy schedule and always so steadfast in spite of our dwindling chances to connect on a personal level (erm, that is, my inability to stay awake!).

I really can't wait to see him in October. I can't wait for us to spend some time getting to know each other again and to just relax.

And, I know I will rest peacefully by his side.

--sigh---

Long week

Life has been so busy the last couple of weeks. Between a job in public relations, working as the entertainment editor for the Vanguard, and a full load of classes I'm more than ready for a brief 36 hour break.

I'm a lot luckier this weekend than last--I get to relax tonight and tomorrow instead of work on upcoming projects and studies.


I'm taking the chance to recuperate and prepare for another onslaught next week!
The important thing is that I've learned how to deal with this insanely busy schedule and I'm doing pretty well. My tests/presentations/jobs have all gone better than expected (read: I am so relieved!).

Until next time...

Monday Traffic

I got up early today because I wanted to get to work a little early, have time to have breakfast...all the reasons a person gets up early. :)

But, I spent my extra 15-20 minutes sitting in traffic! I know, it's rush hour, what do I expect? But, it certainly makes me less likely to try to get to work early to finish a project...Why not sleep that extra 15 minutes and still get here at the same time?

On the bright side: 5 weeks until K.C.'s next visit. I can't wait!

Material things

I bought a digital camera this weekend. I'm really excited about the purchase--it was an Olympus camera, for $130. I have a huge trip planned over the Christmas break (which I'm planning already, obviously) and this camera will let me take a ton of really great pictures.

I was really nervous about spending that much money but after getting the camera home and out of the box, I'm convinced the purchase was the right choice. It's so amazing! Can't wait to take a ton of pictures.

Vanguard Writers

I'm trying to recruit writers from the Communication department this week. So far, I've met with nothing but apathy and complaints. I have to wonder how a journalism student can never consider writing for the college's newspaper. How do they expect to build a writing portfolio without writing? I really do wonder if most college students realize they won't be able to land a job after college without more hands-on experience. I've seen graduates working in the mall and all I think is "they must have partied through college." Pessimistic I know. But, it DOES make me really appreciate those few students involved with activities and jobs that will help make their careers better post-graduation.

Gripe

I hate to preempt my good news with a gripe, but I'm really frustrated right now.

I have class in several different buildings on campus Tuesdays in this order: UCOM, CIS, UCOM, HUMB. Now, UCOM is located a short drive from main campus, where everything else is located. It's walkable--but NOT walkable in 15 minutes, the time between my classes.

This morning, I went to my first class in UCOM, then I left, in my car, to go to my CIS class.

Okay, now, USA has a transit system called the JagTran. So, you say, I COULD take this transit system back and forth. NOT so. The JagTran is a "people-mover." In other words, it's not designed to get anyone anywhere on time. Makes no sense, I know, but that's how it is.

Now, when I attempted to drive to the CIS area of campus this morning and there WAS no parking. NONE. Usually, I would just park a bit further away and walk the 5-10 minute walk to my class. This morning it was raining AND I was running late because my previous class ran late. Now, I don't know about most of us, but I'm not comfortable taking my $1,000 laptop on a 10 minute walk/run through the rain. Not only this, but I'm tired of wondering around looking for parking when there is none.

Okay, well, I figured out that I was already late for class, and if I did park and walk I'd be more than 15 minutes late. So, here I am at 11:25, having decided to contact my professor for the assignment this afternoon.

I feel like a slacker. Most of all, my CIS class is one of my favorite classes. I HATE missing something I like AND need to know.

I only have to make this insane back and forth trip once a week. Maybe I can attempt the JagTran next Tuesday. At least I could make it to class 5 or so minutes late, instead of missing it entirely.

Ugh. What I wouldn't give to be able to park where I need to park!!

Exciting, Terrifying, Wonderful News

This Saturday the Editor in Chief of the Vanguard (my college's student newspaper) called me and asked me if I wanted to be the new Entertainment editor! I, of course, said yes. I was so excited I called everyone I knew. Now, I'm working on the more practical problem of finding enough writers to keep my section filled with great articles!

So far, things have gone okay. Since it's my first week I am working with the old entertainment editor to learn the computer software and such things.

I hope I can do a great job. I know I've been given a really great opportunity and this experience will really puff up my resume.

Yay!

Bittersweet...

I just got back from the NO International airport, where I dropped off K after the most wonderful week of my life.

I can't begin to explain how amazing the past few days have been. I can honestly say I've been happier with K over the last few days than ever before in my life. And, the craziest part of all is it all because of who he is. His company, his thoughtfulness, and his kindness have been constant and unforgettable.

I've laughed more with him than I've laughed in a very long time...maybe ever. Spending time with him was both exciting and comforting, an odd but perfect combination.

And, I don't mean to ramble on and on. I just feel like announcing to the world that I know I've found the person I'm going to spend the rest of my life with... Maybe blogs shouldn't be so personal, but I just can't help myself.

My only wish is that we lived a bit closer; saying goodbye at the airport was so sad! I won't get to see him again until October! Thank god for email, phone calls, and text messages until then.

Well, I'm off to sleep a bit. Only slept about 3 hours last night and I need to crash. Hope I dream of the past week--it was heaven on Earth.

Work Out Blahs

So, yesterday I was really bummed out about my work outs. I've completely changed my diet and I exercise 4 to 6 times a week. I go to the gym on campus pretty much every day. But...the scale says I haven't lost any weight. I just kept wondering what I was doing wrong.

Fast forward to tonight. I was really bored and went to wonder around the mall. I ended up in Old Navy, and, unfortunately for my budget, found a few cute things. I even ventured to the jeans section and chose a pair to try on.

Lo and behold, the size 18 I chose (thinking it would be too small since my last buy was a 20) was TOO BIG. I tried another pair, same size and still too big. Wow. I ventured out and picked up a size 16. I was afraid to try them on, because I haven't worn that size in at least 2 1/2 years. They fit. Perfectly. I HAD to buy them.

It was a real marker in this "lifestyle change" of mine. I finally had proof that watching my food intake and working out every day is paying off--big time. 4 inches off my waist in about 2 months--that's some progress if you ask me.

I don't expect to be a size 4, ever (If I make it to 14, expect another astounded post--I haven't been that small since before high school). But, it's good to know I can be healthy and wear the style of clothing that is just unavailable in plus sizes (plus size clothing designers suck so much!).

I'm just so happy right now. I don't have the perfect body, by a LONG shot, but I feel good about me. I know I'm working hard to be the best I can.

I'm ready to face that 2 mile elliptical workout tomorrow!

Getting Closer...

With just two weeks left before the trip to New Orleans I'm getting really excited.
I've spent time getting my house and myself ready for the trip.

I'm really excited about the time I'll be spending with K. He's only gotten more wonderful as we learn more about each other.

In other news, I'm still excited about reading the new Harry Potter book. I am trying desperately to avoid any news about the book (I can't read your blog Helen because I'm afraid of what it may say! oh no!). I want to enjoy every single surprise JK Rowling intended her readers to have!

Well, I should get back to work (although "work" is a bit of an overstatement for my job).

So excited!

I wish I looked this good every day....

So, can I pull off the color pink or not? heh

The Trip is On...

I will get to visit New Orleans next month and really spend some quality time there. But, the best part is getting to spend it with K (aka "sap" hehe).

This will be the best trip of my life, I just know it!

If anyone has any fave New Orleans haunts, please let me know. I want to show K all the best places.

BTW, I know for SURE we are going to visit Cafe du Monde and stay in the Hotel Provincial. OH, I'M SO EXCITED!

Freedom and Love

I was jaded. I was cynical. I was completely okay with the idea that love was not in the works for a person like me.

I was so very imprisoned.

Now, I am so free. For, I am loved and I can love him back.

And, if I sound insane, perhaps I am. I only know, with no doubt, with no reservation, that I have found the person I'm going to spend the rest of my life with...

The man with a beautiful soul, a poet's heart, and a sense of humor to keep us both laughing through all of life's turmoil and joy.

FOX News vs. Honest Reporters

I realize this story is probably rather old, but I discovered it via digg.com tonight.

Please take a look.

http://video.stumbleupon.com/#p=4d4haxodhc

If Fox hides information about this kind of story, what else is it hiding?

Children

I've always considered becoming a parent the kind of thing I would probably never do.

But, tonight the idea of a child or children in my life is on my mind.

See, yesterday I worked the entire day with children. As a PR rep. for USA, myself and 2 other women were asked to work a face-painting booth at a community event for a non-profit organization.

And, it was wonderful. I was amazed with the children, the best and the worst of them. (And, worst isn't an insult here...) I was impressed with the most outspoken and vivacious boys and girls; I was in awe of the shy and quiet ones.

Their personalities were strong, their creativity sparked by the freedom to interact with adults who were there to give them a bit of magic in the form of a flower or spider-man face.

So, it was fun, talking to the children and asking questions about their schools, teachers, parents, and more. It was fun to make them laugh with a silly question or by showing off a particularly poor artistic attempt. (I can't paint tigers or dragons, but lizards with bright yellow eyes, roses, and a surprisingly passable Spiderman face were definite hits!)

I suppose I should keep in mind that of course it is easy to deal with a child when you are offering something they want in return for nothing. But....their company made me feel alive.

I think I understand now.

A New Place to Live

I've got to be one of the luckiest people on the planet. I have been searching for a new place to live for a few weeks now only to find nothing. I really need to live somewhere closer to town and to work and classes.And, last weekend an affordable place is just thrown in my lap!

I was visiting with a friend who now lives out of town and it turns out her mom is seeking someone to rent a room in her house. This house is GORGEOUS. That's no exaggeration either. New hardwood floors, newly remodeled with new appliances. I will have my own bathroom too! Yay no sharing with boys!

And D (my friend's mom) is the nicest person I've met. Any mom that can raise a child that turns out as wonderfully as her daughter must be extraordinary. But, good parenting skills aside, D is like me in some ways--really neat and clean, organized, etc. And, she's just super-nice. She's always been so nice to me. Heh, the only thing she said was "you won't have that creepy guy over will you? Because I hated him." lol I let her know I escaped "creepy guy" many months ago and was never happier to be alone.

I'm planning to move stuff tonight after work. Who knows, maybe I can even sleep there tonight. And, speaking of sleeping--my grandmother got me a bed for FREE--a neighbor was remodeling their guest room and getting rid of the bed. It's hardly used, if kind of old. And, while I suppose that sounds really sad, I'm excited that it looks clean and I won't have to sleep on the floor. :) And, did I mention FREE?

I can't wait to buy curtains and such for my new room!

Post-drugs

I'm so confused. It doesn't matter why I suppose. I know I keep this blog for my own personal satisfaction more than anything else.

The reason for my confusion is a guy (of course). But, I don't know if I'm up to sharing details. So complicated...

But, I LIKE this guy soooo much. I've tried to play it cool, avoid that "needy" thing that I find so unattractive in both men and women. I like being free. Yep. I'm a new millennium kind of girl and I'm in no need of a complicated emotional entanglement...after last year especially (long story).

Yet. I still wish I could be the one. You know, that girl with the special "thing" that a guy would want. I think I'm pretty spectacular (heh), but no luck yet. It scares me that my appearance may factor into this--then my common sense kicks in and I realize I've seen all kinds of women with all kinds of men, and I know confidence is the key to attractiveness in many ways.

Yet, as I ramble on here, I have to wonder if guys these days have these totally crazy ideas about women. That the "perfect" body, the outrageous sense of humor, great in bed, gets along with all the guys........those are what a guy looks for above all else. And it feels unrealistic. And, I'm much more mellow than many women I know...

I know all things come in due time. I'm happy to have a new acquaintance with new and interesting views. It is enough. I just have to make that little voice in my head back off and stop hunting for the "one" (not Neo, lol).

Enjoy the moment, such as it is...

And, yep, this post is insane and makes no sense.........sorry Helen, my sole reader. :)

Disclaimer: Drugs and Strong Language

I mean it, if the F-bomb offends you, don't read it....

I always assumed people outgrew the need to use drugs, or they became non-functioning members of society. Not so. But, there is still this disgusting-ness about a person with that smell and that empty-eyed look of being stoned. It is such a turn off.

If my company isn't enough for you, why the fuck are you around me?? Go find a life you want instead of spending your time lost in a drug-induced stupor because you don't like your LIFE.

I LIKE my life--I AM going somewhere. I realize it will take time, like anything worth having. And I don't want some loser who needs chemical escapism to make it through the night.

Give me a book or a movie or friends' company--but don't take away WHO I AM with a drug. I LIKE who I AM.

And drug users can fuck off.

Last Date

Well, it turns out that worrying about K's jealousy was needless. My second date with S was disappointing, in a way.

It became very obvious very quickly that while he's into me, he is interested in a different kind of relationship than I am. Or, rather a lack of relationship...

I'm okay letting this guy go on his way. It is disappointing, on a very female level, learning I don't matter and won't ever matter (even in a small way) to someone I find intriguing and fun. But, I learned from my last relationship that I can't accept a guy just because I'm lonely or want to go out. The fact that finding an intelligent person is nearly impossible only makes it harder to get this whole situation out of my head...

It's strange to write that, because I didn't intend to LIKE him so much. It was an association started only for fun--but I can't do it. I can't really like someone and leave the need for emotional attachment un-addressed.

I do have to say, he was honest. He didn't try to mislead me or hurt me but was straightforward about his intentions and expectations. That's something.

I think he'll make some lucky girl a great catch one day. Just not me.

To Date or Not to Date

I've recently been faced with a strange decision: to protect the feelings of an ex-boyfriend or to date a fun new guy I met recently.

But, things are, of course, more complicated than that.

I share a house with this ex, who I'll call K. Over time we have become closer as friends and we rely on one another as sources of advice and solace. However, what we do not have is a "relationship." We don't don the titles of boyfriend and girlfriend, we don't go out together, we are not a couple. As a matter of fact, I've begun viewing K as more a younger brother than anything else. Albeit, a younger brother with no goals or self-initiative to speak of...Yes, he's a nice, stable guy. And, in a few years (he's only 21) he may have the greatest life/job/whatever ever.

And then there's S, the new guy. And, I went out on the greatest date of my life last week with S. He was funny, reasonably successful, and creative. And...heh, very cute. He's a college graduate with real plans for himself, which I greatly respect.

Now, S has asked me out again on Friday and, being completely incapable of lying or hiding the truth, I mentioned it to K.

Well, I can tell it really hurts K's feelings that I'm seeing someone else.

But what do I do? I don't want to date K, as much as I value our friendship. I'd like to get to know S and enjoy myself in the process.

Is that so wrong?

Great Job!

For the first time in probably EVER I can say I have a job I really love. Now, because it is a student position, I do get bored sometimes. But, I've had the chance to work on some really interesting projects in just my first two weeks on the job. I am already to the point where I've helped create publications I can claim in my writing portfolio.

Yay for forward momentum!

And, although I still have trouble with ten or twenty minute conversations about almost-nothing (i.e. what I consider pointless and boring aspects of socializing) I have the best bosses/coworkers on campus!

Facebook and a J-O-B

I'm not much for online chat. I just don't get it. But, then, as a teenager I never was on the phone very much either. Sure, I had a few phone calls to the boyfriend but aside from that, I wasn't the type to call you and keep you on the phone, boring you to tears because I was bored too.

And, the new online communities have been similar for me. I never really got them. But, tonight, I'm realizing that maybe...just MAYBE, I might be missing out on something. Someone put in a friend request on a Facebook account I created months (maybe years) ago and it got me looking around for other folks. First off, I'm a little scared by how many people that have pics of them holding their KIDS in pics. But, well, my pic shows me holding a child--except she's not mine.

But, I have messaged several people I haven't even seen since high school over seven years ago. And, I never would have thought I'd talk to any of those people again. And, I have to admit, I messaged one person whose face I remember, but for the life of me I can't remember her. I do know we went to high school together...but I haven't a single memory of talking to her!!! It makes me feel terrible. I only hope she can jog my memory.
(BTW, she's listed a room for rent by USA that might be perfect for me, crazy crazy world).

But, in other news, I finally found out I got a job I interviewed for over two weeks ago in the USA PR office. It is a pretty serious gain for me, in my mind at least. I will have more professional-like responsibilities, not just the usual student assistant drudgery to deal with on a daily basis.

I'm excited about these two new changes. I was starting to feel hopelessly alone, overlooked, and left out. And, it turns out that life, in fact, was only giving me a two week vacation!

I love that life can be so wonderful at times. (I feel my dad grinning at me and the way I worry needlessly!)

And, a final note: Super Paper Mario for the Wii is the BEST GAME EVER MADE!! YOU MUST PLAY IT. It IS that good. I'm only two levels away from beating the entire game, in only 8 days. I've only beaten one other video game and it took me months to do it. Paper Mario is ADDICTIVE. BE YE WARNED. (and, yay for new Pirates movie next weekend!)
Ciao.

Almost Over...Time for Wii

The spring semester at USA is nearly over. And, thank God it is...I'm exhausted. This has been the most intense period of time I've ever spent in college. I guess it's a combination of some tougher classes and classes that exist just to make me write useless papers.

I am out to find work somewhere for the summer. I am, sadly, considering Wal-mart because they actually pay better than smaller places like video or clothing stores.

I keep wondering if I should pull a writing portfolio together and use it to find work somewhere. I have three or four articles I've written for the Vanguard and a very serious research project I would love to put to use outside of campus. Networking might pay off eventually...we'll see.

I feel ready for more serious work. And, I also feel like working for Wal-mart or somewhere similar would be a serious step backward professionally.

Nothing fun going on lately. Just work, work, work...for class. Best thing to happen in a while is I did buy a Wii fairly recently.

I am really looking forward to the release of some new games for the console. It's so unique, I'm very glad I bought it, in spite of the ever-dwindling bank account.

Until next time. Ciao.

There Are No Shortcuts

I am making another book review blog. The other day, I randomly picked up a book off of a table at Barnes and Noble and TADA! I found one of the most amazing books I've ever read. Titled, There Are No Shortcuts and written by Rafe Esquith, this book is a short nonfiction book of advice, anecdotes, and "self-reflection" about teaching in America. Esquith writes about his teaching career, most of it spent in inner city LA with underprivileged elementary students.

I think the reason this book struck such a chord with me was because there is more to it than just Esquith's teaching career and advice. Somehow, I found the stories and struggles he shared to have such pertinence to issues faced all over the country.

He talks a lot about mediocrity and how many places in America celebrate it, as though it is something worth celebrating. He talks about media inconsistencies and the way American children behave in public. He talks about so many things...

As with Shantaram, I can't do this book justice. It is a simple manifesto of teaching skills, the stupidity of bureaucracy, and just how amazing children can be when given the belief in them they need.

If you have children, or plan to, I would love it if you read this book.

No London :(

I found out that I won't be going to London for the summer; there just isn't enough money. But, I did get an insider's tip into a pretty cool internship for the summer (and it pays very well, woohoo) so I'm still not sad about any summer plans. I hope to save some money and maybe study abroad another time. I know IT classes aren't offered in summer so perhaps next summer I can go somewhere fun.

I'm crossing my fingers about the internship. I know I need to work very hard to get the hiring person's attention. I hope to get together a great-looking resume (I have one, but needs an update) and such this weekend.

Well, I'm off to do some homework. Yay! New programming stuff. :)

Sad..... :(

I've been semi-excited about the possibility of studying in London for the summer this last week. I don't have any other classes available this summer to take toward my degree so I was hoping to try a study abroad program. Downside is that studying in another country is very expensive! So far, word back from the financial aid department has been depressing. The financial aid available for me amounts to about $1000--the trip/tuition/etc costs between $5000 and $6000.

I don't know YET if there is more to the story. If I've learned anything dealing with USA financial aid office (and others for that matter) it is that going to see someone in person makes things much more clear. If nothing else, they could point me toward possible scholarships, etc.

Today, I'm feeling still like I am NEVER going to finish college--and I'm still an undergrad! I have a steady major but b/c I only just started my minor I think I'll be in college at least 2 semesters longer than I hoped (I thought I'd be done by next Spring). And that two semesters could be 3 or 4.......sigh.

I am so very willing to do the work. But, I have to follow the rules and the linear-learning that is programming and IT (my minor). So...yeah.

I know people keep saying I'm young...but I am 26 this year. I feel 30 edging closer. Yeah, 30 isn't old, but I'm just a little tired of being surrounded by the immature teens like the ones I've been exposed to this semester. I look forward to graduate school and hope some of the "I'm going to college b/c there's nothing better to do/my mom made me" kids will move on to things they'd rather be doing.

Tonight I'm just trying to give myself a little pep talk (though it may not seem like according to what I've written so far). I realize that even if it takes until I'm 35 or 40, a Master's Degree will be well worth it. I enjoy IT and the people involved in it. I want to have the credentials to work with those folks, doing what I like.

As for London, all hope is not lost. Maybe it's not too late to apply for a scholarship or grant or something (though, I doubt it, the deadline to apply is Feb. 28). I still have a professor or two to talk to about it. Also, if London is not meant to be, that doesn't mean I can't perhaps find an interesting internship for the summer (and save money to study abroad at a later time).

My car is being retarded--I can't open the driver's side door, except for a few inches, so I squeeze in and out of it. Thankfully, the rest of the car seems okay and it still runs pretty well. I don't really have the money to fix such a small problem b/c I've set up a monthly budget for myself with my finaid and I just can't spend $500 or more to fix a vehicle not worth the investment.

These times like now are hardest for me. I miss my dad an immeasurable amount lately.
I miss the support of having lots of friends around me. I talk to two or three people sometimes--but they are so different. I feel like those people in my life who don't really appreciate an education or even want one or any type of change in their lives (even when life is difficult they do nothing to improve themselves so they can be happier) I just wish so much for people around me that are aware. Aware of how much there is to learn, aware of just what they can accomplish in an extra 20 or 30 minutes of work, aware of how much MORE that is out there waiting to be found.

I still feel like that you know: that the good part of life, the best part, is right around the bend. Don't get me wrong. Today, life is pretty good. I've got a nice place to live, and money in my pocket, and college is coming along. I stay busy.

I'm ending here. I've just realized this is turning into a pathetic "lonely" rant. And, damn it all, that is just the way it is for girls/people like me. At least, for now. For now, I can deal with it and be happy to learn so many new things about life and ....well, technology and other stuff.

I have to...I promised my dad I'd be okay.

I am. I will be.

Life is good

A very belated "Thank you!!" to Helen for the B-day wishes!! Thanks for remembering. And, as sappy as it sounds, I made one of my New Year's resolutions "Remember my friends b-days and special events!". It is a year to be a better friend. Cuz, I love you guys!


Now that financial aid has finally arrived (over a month into the semester) and classes are going very well, I feel very satisfied with the day to day life of late. I got a new computer (but, blech!, it has Windows Vista, which won't work with anything! It is not backwards compatible at all! What was Microsoft thinking?!) But, I don't mind b/c I get Windows XP free for being a CIS student at USA, yay!

I've attempted to get motivated enough to write for the Vanguard, the college newspaper, but I just haven't yet. I had this idea about writing about the way Starbucks is taking over Mobile (opening shops across the street from Carpe and Satori and Beaners, all locally owned coffee places), but after a survey of students I'm too depressed to write about it. No one cares. Well, that one guy, but yeesh. I don't know though, I am feeling more upbeat and realize that maybe at 19 or so most kids just don't care about such things (man I'm getting old!).

And, side note, what else could I write when talking about Starbucks' takeover?? Ideas appreciated.

If anyone has advice about how to care about things like corporate monopolies and the scary parts of capitalism and still stay happy and supportive of the American way of life, let me know. I like the idea that here, in America, we can do anything if we put our minds to it. It just scares me a little...or at least, concerns me a little, that someone can work and work and it won't matter b/c he or she is going up against some corporate monster.

And, most of all, it bugs me that I like Carpe, but the service and quality is so NOT consistent. I can get a mocha one day and its AWESOME, another and I have to pour it out. Starbucks doesn't have that problem (though, since I've been thinking about this article I don't go to Starbucks cuz I'd feel like a traitor).


Oh, blah. I promise I am feeling good and happy. Guess I just want to be non-apathetic too. It's kinda hard to balance the two ways of thinking at times.

I'm going to do homework and play on my new computer!! Capitalism can be good, most of the time...

(Grin.)

Wii!!

I have to agree with Helen...the Wii is going to be the best thing ever. I can't wait to buy one very soon. I live in a house always full of people and we are going to have so much fun!!

Is Big Business Making Us Fat?

Okay, maybe it's just another excuse for the overweight, but I've been reading lots of research and nutritional articles about how business and government are actually PROMOTING the weight issues of Americans. Not intentionally exactly...just by lack of government influence over what companies can put in food or sell to us in restaurants.

First of all, I keep coming across "studies" (I place this word in quotes b/c how do I know how official these websites I looked at are?) talking about just how unhealthy anything labeled "diet" can be to a person's health. The studies talked about the toxicity caused by artificial sweeteners, which can cause cancer and other health issues. Scary?! We drink diet soda almost exclusively and in large amounts in my house. And, food for thought, Coca-Cola and Pepsi are two VERY large industries, which I am sure have at least some influence over the FDA/government decisions. (My opinion of course, no proof that I know of...)

MSG. Okay, I love Chinese food, but I am the first to say that every time I eat it, I get kind of sick (and, no, it's not a "I ate too much" problem, I actually avoid buffets). It is the MSG! I'm not the only one I know that gets sick b/c of this additive. And, it's found in almost everything, especially canned and processed foods. So much for that healthy soup or tuna salad. And, guess what.....there is a link b/t MSG and obesity. BIG BIG correlation.....

High Fructose Corn Syrup. Okay, powers-that-be, forgive me, but I saw this on Oprah...and I believe it, unlike most TV stuff. High Frustose Corn Syrup (HFCS) is found in most of our foods today--pasta sauce, soda, anything sweet, etc. And, it is a scary thing. Since its invention decades ago, it has replaced normal sugar in recipes/products....and the American obesity problem has grown immensely ever since. The Doc on Oprah says it is because HFCS actually cause the brain to continue thinking it's hungry, even when it's not. So, you keep eating. Let me say that again, another way:

High Fructose Corn Syrup stimulates appetite!

Okay, okay. We overweight people (oh yeah, I weight almost 200lbs, scary and one reason for my recent research) like the American/postmodern attitude of "blame someone/anything else for my problem" because it relieves us of personal responsibility for our behavior and physical problems. I get that---I even believe it. But, the nutritional info I keep coming across (and, btw, the lack of physical activity in K-12 schools and everyday adult life) SCARES me. There is a correlation (in my mind, if nowhere else) of the growth of big businesses that sell fast food for cheap (which contains those things I talked about b/c they are addicting), or soda, or....well and the fatness of America, and increasingly, Britain.

And, while I'm ranting I want to wrap it up by saying this: it's cheaper to eat badly/unhealthy. Fresh meat or fish and fresh vegetables cost far more than prepared fast foods or canned soups. But DO THEY REALLY?

Taking into account all I wrote above (and I admit I am no logician, so apologies for lack of coherence or sequence) wouldn't a person eat less if they avoided "red flag" foods and stuck to REAL food. I think so. As a matter of fact, using my own experience as a case in point, I know so. Three years ago, I underwent a lifestyle change, that has since eroded of course. I exercised 5 -6 times a week, ate salads, fresh meats, fruits, nuts, dairy in moderation, etc. And lost 30 lbs in a relatively short amount of time.

And I don't remember feeling deprived at any point. I felt amazing.......

Stupid processed foods and food addictions. I just have one question for myself: Objectively speaking, is it the processed food or the lack of willpower that makes people overweight? Or is it the combination of both? If a person has no food "issues" then does it make sense that the processed foods wouldn't affect them as strongly, thus explainin why not everyone is fat?

Because, weird as it seems to me, foodie that I am, many people don't think about food at all. Weird. :)

BTW:
www.newstarget.com/001253.html
www.rense.com/general52/msg.htm www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/chronicle/archive/2004/02/18/FDGS24VKMH1.DTL

Very Bad Dream

I just had the most horrible nightmare!!! I don't know...I dreamed such a sad thing! I dreamed Sally, the dog I live with, died!!! It was horrible! She's the sweetest, most awesome little dachshund and chihuahua mix.
So, I got up and went to her bed and held her and it's all okay now.

I love that dog!!! And, I'm glad she's okay and will always kiss me if I'm sad! :)