Sad..... :(

I've been semi-excited about the possibility of studying in London for the summer this last week. I don't have any other classes available this summer to take toward my degree so I was hoping to try a study abroad program. Downside is that studying in another country is very expensive! So far, word back from the financial aid department has been depressing. The financial aid available for me amounts to about $1000--the trip/tuition/etc costs between $5000 and $6000.

I don't know YET if there is more to the story. If I've learned anything dealing with USA financial aid office (and others for that matter) it is that going to see someone in person makes things much more clear. If nothing else, they could point me toward possible scholarships, etc.

Today, I'm feeling still like I am NEVER going to finish college--and I'm still an undergrad! I have a steady major but b/c I only just started my minor I think I'll be in college at least 2 semesters longer than I hoped (I thought I'd be done by next Spring). And that two semesters could be 3 or 4.......sigh.

I am so very willing to do the work. But, I have to follow the rules and the linear-learning that is programming and IT (my minor). So...yeah.

I know people keep saying I'm young...but I am 26 this year. I feel 30 edging closer. Yeah, 30 isn't old, but I'm just a little tired of being surrounded by the immature teens like the ones I've been exposed to this semester. I look forward to graduate school and hope some of the "I'm going to college b/c there's nothing better to do/my mom made me" kids will move on to things they'd rather be doing.

Tonight I'm just trying to give myself a little pep talk (though it may not seem like according to what I've written so far). I realize that even if it takes until I'm 35 or 40, a Master's Degree will be well worth it. I enjoy IT and the people involved in it. I want to have the credentials to work with those folks, doing what I like.

As for London, all hope is not lost. Maybe it's not too late to apply for a scholarship or grant or something (though, I doubt it, the deadline to apply is Feb. 28). I still have a professor or two to talk to about it. Also, if London is not meant to be, that doesn't mean I can't perhaps find an interesting internship for the summer (and save money to study abroad at a later time).

My car is being retarded--I can't open the driver's side door, except for a few inches, so I squeeze in and out of it. Thankfully, the rest of the car seems okay and it still runs pretty well. I don't really have the money to fix such a small problem b/c I've set up a monthly budget for myself with my finaid and I just can't spend $500 or more to fix a vehicle not worth the investment.

These times like now are hardest for me. I miss my dad an immeasurable amount lately.
I miss the support of having lots of friends around me. I talk to two or three people sometimes--but they are so different. I feel like those people in my life who don't really appreciate an education or even want one or any type of change in their lives (even when life is difficult they do nothing to improve themselves so they can be happier) I just wish so much for people around me that are aware. Aware of how much there is to learn, aware of just what they can accomplish in an extra 20 or 30 minutes of work, aware of how much MORE that is out there waiting to be found.

I still feel like that you know: that the good part of life, the best part, is right around the bend. Don't get me wrong. Today, life is pretty good. I've got a nice place to live, and money in my pocket, and college is coming along. I stay busy.

I'm ending here. I've just realized this is turning into a pathetic "lonely" rant. And, damn it all, that is just the way it is for girls/people like me. At least, for now. For now, I can deal with it and be happy to learn so many new things about life and ....well, technology and other stuff.

I have to...I promised my dad I'd be okay.

I am. I will be.