Messy blabbing

I write this blog mostly as my own form of self-therapy. I don't think it's a popular blog and I'm greatly surprised to find more than one person even reads it.

But, don't we send our thoughts out on the great Web hoping someone will read our ramblings and find a connection or, at the very least, notice our exceptional writing ability? (Haha.)

Tonight, I just wish I had my own personal therapist. The sad part, the part that makes me embarrassed and perhaps a little disappointed in myself is the reason I wish I had a therapist.

I want to get into shape. Yep. I want to start working out and lose some weight. I want lots of energy and the ability to fit in to those size 16 jeans from last year (or, better yet, the size 14 pair from the year before that).

As you can tell from my jean size, I have no silly goals of 100 lb weight loss in mind. I fully expect to be a so-called "plus size" woman for the rest of my life. I think if I ever weigh under 150, it will mean I have developed a serious disease or eating disorder. I openly admit I want to get back to 175 and would settle for 185, at this point. So, the biggest thing to share is the current weight: 210 lbs. And, yep, I'm five feet tall. And, currently a size 20-22, or a 2X. Yeesh. How did this happen?

Oh, don't think I don't know. And, I am not one of those people that blames someone or something other than myself. I am the only reason I am this way. I like food. Too much.

The reasons for the "food addiction" don't matter to me at this point. I understand them and that helps me face them. What matters right now is finding the willpower to exercise and get fit again.

How do I find it? How do I get myself motivated and off the sofa (geez, out from in front of a computer--so sick of staring at a monitor all day)?

So, that's the question I am posing to the never-ending Web. How?

How do I get myself motivated? I have all the right reasons, a long, long list of them. Health. Energy. Appearance. Longevity, etc.


How do I turn my go-to-the-gym-once-a-month-and-then-hide-the-rest-of-the-time-eating-too-much routine in to something more stable and healthful?

I'm working on the answer...I appreciate any and all advice. :)