Indecision

I've been literally trapped by all the snow here for over two weeks now. I've been without a real job since moving here in August. Not so much as a fast food joint is hiring right now. (Holidays notwithstanding.)

I'm very, very torn about what to do and where to go. A very large part of me wants to head back South, to warmer weather and familiar territories.

But...it would mean leaving KC. I don't know if I can, or should, do that.

I feel like I'm losing all the headway I've made over the last few years. I learned how to take care of myself, how to be more self-assured and confident in myself and my abilities. I found some connections with the Mobile community, although there are still many things I do not like about living there.

I've been down this road before--when life makes me uncomfortable or my plans fall through, I have this urge to run back to Alabama. Rarely did the desire to go home turn out to be a good decision...I often found myself faced with all the craziness that is my family (my family sucks so much), or my own loneliness due to my lack of friendships. Can I expect things to be different if I go back now?

I really don't know. With a tough economy and a saturated job market, what are my options in any place I choose to go? I've considered going to Tuscaloosa and start paving my way into the University of Alabama's grad program (Library Science, anyone?)....but, where would I stay and where would I get a job, etc.

I DID make friends during my last couple of years at South. I just don't know how strong those ties really are. I'm 28 in a few days and I still feel much the same as when I was 18 and leaving home for the first time.

Being back at square one is terrifying in some ways. Who can I rely on? And, damn, when am I gonna figure out how to support myself?


So many questions.... I have a lot to think about tonight.