A question for our world

I have had something happen in the last week to make me question a few things in this world.

See, I got fired from my job a little over a week ago. I feel I can honestly say I did nothing to warrant a firing. I put 110% into that job and dealt with all the stress and the fear of an overbearing (read: terrifying) boss.

It's taken me a week to come to terms with what happened. I have never been treated with such little respect or consideration and it really hurt me in ways I did not think I could ever be hurt again. I hit bottom mentally almost a week later, after constantly chastising myself for what I did wrong. I finally...finally, god...realized that I was looking at the situation the wrong way. I kept asking myself what I could have done differently to prevent the firing, when, really, I should have asked myself why I didn't quit the horrific job sooner.

I took the stress for nearly three months--being the "low man on the totem pole," as it were, and being at every other employees' beckon call while being also constantly terrified of doing something wrong, while no one really bothered to tell me why we were all so damn afraid of this one man (the owner/employer/Nazi wanna-be). I still don't know...well, other than he signs the paychecks. And, by god, I was so damn proud that I made it so long on that job, I let someone treat ME badly, and I was proud of it. Damn, if that's not twisted I don't know what is...

Why do we do that? Why do we give power-hungry ego-maniacs with bad tempers power over us?? It makes no sense as an individual, nor as a society, but it happens again and again. I don't have the answers. If only I did I wouldn't be an out of work girl worried about paying for her fancy new car...(materialism is yet another of those endless topics I argue with myself).

So, here's my take on the whole damn thing: It was a bad experience. It sucked. A lot. It shook me to my core and put gaping holes in my self-esteem. It made me feel like my considerate, meek nature was a bad thing, when I've worked for years to accept and like that person inside of me. I very nearly let a man with no care for the feelings of another human being end my life (this is as close to a confession anyone will ever find and I have no more to say on it). In the end, I won.

Now, I won't go face the Nazi-wannabe down, that's just dumb and pointless. Educated white men nearly never change their complete self-righteous behavior or treatment of others. Instead, I want to do what I have tried to do with every single other damned gut-wrenching, soul-poisoning experience I've been through---learn the lesson well and don't repeat my mistakes.

The Lesson: I'm in control of how I allow others to treat me. I learned this after experiencing an abusive relationship several years ago, but I suppose it was time for a new take on that lesson. No matter how far above me someone may be in social status, or education, or on the career ladder, I will not devalue my worth to appease them.

And, to think, I was going to write a post complaining about the way plus-size clothing makers use thin models to advertise their clothing (an example: http://www.onestopplus.com/). I miss the plus-sized models some of them used to use...though even they were unrealistic. (Hey, I'm a five foot tall woman that has a 25" inseam and weighs 200 lbs...I'm not the norm, to say the least.)

Before I go: a huge thank you to the PR office and all the wonderful ladies therein. And, SC, for the stories of triumph after a firing. You have shared so much wisdom with me. Thank you so very much.

And, to KC, you are my light in all the darkest places and my strength when I am wearied by all the pain in this existence. You bring me laughter and life, for that I will always love you.