Post-drugs

I'm so confused. It doesn't matter why I suppose. I know I keep this blog for my own personal satisfaction more than anything else.

The reason for my confusion is a guy (of course). But, I don't know if I'm up to sharing details. So complicated...

But, I LIKE this guy soooo much. I've tried to play it cool, avoid that "needy" thing that I find so unattractive in both men and women. I like being free. Yep. I'm a new millennium kind of girl and I'm in no need of a complicated emotional entanglement...after last year especially (long story).

Yet. I still wish I could be the one. You know, that girl with the special "thing" that a guy would want. I think I'm pretty spectacular (heh), but no luck yet. It scares me that my appearance may factor into this--then my common sense kicks in and I realize I've seen all kinds of women with all kinds of men, and I know confidence is the key to attractiveness in many ways.

Yet, as I ramble on here, I have to wonder if guys these days have these totally crazy ideas about women. That the "perfect" body, the outrageous sense of humor, great in bed, gets along with all the guys........those are what a guy looks for above all else. And it feels unrealistic. And, I'm much more mellow than many women I know...

I know all things come in due time. I'm happy to have a new acquaintance with new and interesting views. It is enough. I just have to make that little voice in my head back off and stop hunting for the "one" (not Neo, lol).

Enjoy the moment, such as it is...

And, yep, this post is insane and makes no sense.........sorry Helen, my sole reader. :)